With apologies to MD's everywhere I would like to give a very short lesson on the brain and its development. I am hopeful that a short synopsis of some of what we know about the brain will then help us understand some of what can positively impact the brain in later, teenage life. So here goes:

The brain can be subdivided into three regions--the hindbrain, the midbrain, and the forebrain. The hindbrain is where autonomic bodily control is regulated. Food consumption, hunger, digestion, food search, breathing, various senses, etc. are regulated and controlled here. In general, the feeling of "I need, I will go get what I need" for physical well being comes from this area of the brain. The midbrain is where relationships with others are felt and where physical proximity is interpreted as good or bad. Touch with emotional meaning is interpreted here. To some extent, love is felt here. The forebrain is where cognition is accomplished. It is the part of the brain that uses rational argument, that formulates sentences, that writes in this blog and uses logic. It is the part of the brain that allows us to think about our existence in existential terms.

Various activities and life events operate more substantially on just one of these three regions of the brain at any given time. During early formative years, keeping a child away from food would activate his/her hindbrain and keep the child in a survival mode in ways that would adversely affect brain development. In ways, the child would become partly stuck in base survival activities. S/he might hoard food. S/he might run away and try to survive on his/her own. Another child who is given food, shelter, and water, but who is abused sexually from birth to pre-adolescence might then learn that sex is to be used in relationships to get what s/he wants. S/he might be promiscuous. S/he might always look through a lens of who has the power in any given situation and then try to align with the power players in the environment. Or s/he might try to always maintain the power position by intimidation and manipulation. That would be what s/he has learned from abuse and control.

The teens we work with at CALO come from situations where the hindbrain and midbrain were developing in abusive or neglectful situations. More...

Some of you are reading the title of this post and remembering a suspenseful thriller that came out about a decade ago starring Harrison Ford. The movie title, of course, took on double meaning in that there was literally something lying beneath the surface of the lake adjacent to his home and the main character had his hidden double life exposed. 

CALO families must also remember to examine what lies beneath student emotions.  One of the most prevailing themes of individuals who have experienced trauma and/or disrupted attachment is the apparent craving of power and control.  When one takes a step back and truly examines “what lies beneath” these individuals, it is not surprising to discover that a young person who had innocence stripped often lacks the ability to trust and form meaningful attachment to caregivers.  When a child believes they can no longer trust others s/he has a choice: wither away and die or find a way to survive.  Our students are survivors. That is the good news.  It is also the bad news.  Survivors often are left to develop core beliefs about themselves, others, and the world—“I don’t trust others,” “adults are not dependable,” “I must take care of myself,” “the world is unsafe.” As a result, survivors subsequently practice and develop talents of manipulating boundaries, relationships, and programs in order to continue to survive and hold on to their core beliefs.

With this quick attachment and trauma 101 lesson in mind, parents are urged to continually answer the question, “what lies beneath?”  When your son is sabotaging his relationship with you, what lies beneath?  When your daughter defies every boundary you give her, what lies beneath?  When you try to lead your family in positive ways and your adolescent is determined to be the one in charge, what lies beneath?  I propose what lies beneath power and control is usually fear and anxiety.  “Huh?” you may be thinking.  “My child is incredibly powerful and domineering in those moments and not fearful and anxious” you might also add.  If so, I will point you back to the reality that your child is actually a survivor and is trying to maintain control so their life is not headed for more heartache (loss, abandonment, rejection, depression, etc.)

“Okay, so what do I do?”  More...