I appreciate the positive feedback I have gotten from some current and former parents of CALO students. That feedback has centered around posts on this blog highlighting successes of former students. When I get such reports of success from parents, and students themselves, it is a job-satisfaction-enhancer. Our work at CALO can be quite difficult at times and to hear positive comments can make the difficult times well worth it. With that in mind, I have another email I want to post here that came in yesterday. The mother of a former student sent it in, and I have changed names only to protect confidentiality. This young lady, Sharon I will call her, had a difficult transition home and things had been very emotional and rough for three weeks. Sharon parted the family home for a few days and then returned. Sharon and the family had some trust to rebuild. They were able to do that work and proceed with plans for Sharon to enter college. That background will probably help make this post make sense. Here is the email:

Hi Ken:

I just wanted you to know that Sharon went to her first day of college and loved it. She aced the class and got a congratulations from the teacher afterward for her participation!

Of course, for the last three weeks her anxiety and her behavior had almost derailed everything we learned and achieved together at CALO. It has been really awful, to tell the truth. Not "it", but "she". And she had permission to get a job instead. Until she got into the car today I did not know if she would go.  But the dogs and I escorted her down the street and over to her school (5 minutes) and 90 minutes later came a triumphant phone call. Transitions are hard, we knew this, but this one was one of the worst. But she is there, now psyched, and we expect her to do well. Her experience with CALO'S dogs created  a serious interest in Veterinary Technology as well as teaching history. Who knew.

One more thing. Her boyfriend has been very supportive of her and has really helped her to remain on track with school! He was a calm voice all month long while she was totally off kilter especially the last two weeks. You never know how things are going to turn out.

We know she owes her success today, as hard as it came, to CALO and what she found there. She gets it too, and has also found a great therapist, and she is committed to that as well.

Take care, Julie

A few weeks earlier I got an email from Landon, our Clinical Director. He had just gotten off the phone with a different student who has been home for just over one year. She wanted to say hello. She is doing very well. Landon then sent out an email to all of us working at CALO. I have included it below with names changed:

Hello Staff,

Many of you who have been employed for at least a year will remember a student who aged out of CALO last July, Lori T.  Lori telephoned CALO today, as she has done a handful of times in the past 12 months, and we chatted for a bit.  I am pleased to report that Lori is doing very well.  She has held down a steady job working with kids and has strong goals and aspirations in her life.  She sounded genuinely positive and happy—still a touch awkward but you can tell she has really made strides in her interactions and relationships.  Her primary purpose for calling was out of concern for friends and former students and how she can help out—another great sign.

I asked Lori about Diva (her adopted CALO dog) and she said she is doing great but likes to eat too much and has gained some weight so Lori is going to exercise her more.  Lori asked about CALO, students, changes and about many of you staff and how you are doing.  She could not believe the growth we have experienced recently and shared she thinks about CALO all of the time.  She even asked if I kept a picture she made me before she left.  You can tell CALO is still a big part of her life.  Lori closed our conversation by asking that I tell everyone hello for her and “please tell them thanks cause’ I don’t think I did that enough.” 

Those of you wondering if you are making a difference may not realize it on a daily or even monthly basis but the seeds you are planting truly take root in their own due time.  Thank you so much for your efforts to bless lives!

Ken writing now--I really miss Lori and am so glad to hear how well she is doing. She struggled mightily when she first got to CALO. Eye contact was very poor. Touch in an safe manner was not possible for her. I couldn't even get her to give me a high five for a long time. She changed all of that in a most impressive way and now she is in an emotional space where she reaches out to friends spontaneously and appropriately. She smiles often and interacts well with those around her. She is not afraid of safe physical contact like shaking hands or a friendly touch on the shoulder. Given a safe environment with intensive therapeutic support and a solid clinical model and our students make massive changes. I love my job.

We recently had a young lady graduate from CALO who had done tremendous work in our program. She arrived in a most sullen state. By her own admission, she was angry even though she came to CALO of her own will. She was angry at her parents for putting down an ultimatum that she change her very dangerous lifestyle and become an interdependent member of the family. No more selfishness and constant taking--her parents wanted her to love and be loved. It took this girl, I will call her Jill, quite some time to start to open up at CALO, but eventually she did. The change was simply amazing. Where she had been sullen and tough, she was now smiling and kind. At her graduation her father read a letter from her mother, who was out of the country and could not be at the graduation. Below is that letter with the name "Jill" in place of the young lady's real name. Nothing else has been changed. Here is the letter:

Dear Jill,

On this your graduation day from CALO, I sincerely regret that I cannot attend physically.  I would like to be with you to share in your achievement today, and hope you will understand that I am emotionally and spiritually present to support and applaud you in this day of success and achievement.

You have been through a huge learning process and transformation in the past 14 months.   You have grown in understanding and grace.  You have made great strides in controlling your anger, learning to identify your feelings and how to express them appropriately.  You now have a much better understanding of who you really are and who you can become in the future.

Some graduations are called a commencement, which can seem confusing.  For some people, they think of graduation as a termination, like an end or a finishing up a program.  When the ceremony is called a commencement, or a beginning, it reminds us that you are starting out new, equipped with new skills, to start life afresh.   Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

In this new journey, Jill, I know there will be ups and downs, hills and valleys, joys and pains, successes and failures.  Know that I love you and support you, even when you make mistakes.  I hope you find the strength and courage to persevere and continue on this positive road to becoming the woman who can surpass all obstacles.  Strive to become the very best you can be.  Keep faith in your Creator, however you view Him.  Whatever direction you are called in, work hard.  Guard against all the snares and temptations that will keep you from succeeding—especially self doubt.   I hope you do find the success and happiness you desire.

Love, Mom

Final note from Ken: We heard back from Jill just a few weeks ago. She is still happy. She is doing very well in a new school. She expressed gratitude for the time she had at CALO.

Rob posted a few weeks ago on this blog about our parent retreat. Since that post we have had some very nice comments from parents, students, and staff who attended. I thought it might be nice to hear directly from one parent about her experience at the retreat. I was struck in reading her email by how alone parents can feel when dealing with a significantly emotionally challenged teen. The retreat helped many parents and students recognize similarities and also helped to end some of the isolation they have felt. Here is the unedited letter from the attending parent:

"My husband and I both attended the CALO parent retreat and found it to be extremely helpful.  Our situation was a bit odd: our daughter had only been at CALO for 6 weeks when the retreat happened and she refused to go on the retreat with us.  We initially felt awkward being the only parents whose child chose not to attend, but we also felt strongly that there would be a lot to learn at the retreat and it would be a great opportunity to meet the other girls in the program as well as their parents.  We found this to be the right choice on all counts.

The staff were amazing and we learned a great deal from them. They gave seminars, but they also taught us important things with the activities they had designed.  The activities were all designed to build trust and closeness and it really worked!  We enjoyed the adults and teenagers on our team very much.  And although we were sad not to have our daughter with us it did give us a chance to watch other families try to handle the same problems we have had with our daughter.  The similarities between their stories and ours were both startling and very encouraging.

As the parents of children with attachment disorders we had all tried everything we could think of...we had read parenting books and tried lots of different parenting strategies and in spite of all our efforts our children were in treatment. During meals at the retreat we discussed these things with the other parents and it was heartwarming to hear different versions of the same stories.  So many of us feel isolated and confused and in many cases harshly judged by friends, neighbors and even family who generally see our children at their best and cannot imagine why that charming child would behave so badly for us. What in the world are we doing wrong?  We left the retreat feeling as encouraged as we had been in a long time.  The other parents were encouraging, the staff were encouraging and really, the other teens were encouraging talking about their own issues and improvements and their hopes for our daughter.  We are so glad we went and look forward to another retreat- hopefully one that our daughter attends!"

I am asked every so often about the canines at CALO and why we work with them. I have presented at conferences and with other groups about some of the reasons that animals in therapy make sense. I have made the case that dogs and horses are the best for a number of reasons. I have explained why dogs are best for our setting. Generally I am able to help those who ask to understand our reasoning behind our canine program. From now on I may just refer those who ask to an email that came across my virtual desk this morning. One of our staff, Ben, sent a concise description of what makes our Golden Retrievers such powerful change agents in our program. I am including his email below and have edited it to remove identifying information. He describes an interaction between a student and a Golden and thanks our Canine Program Manager, Jeanna Osborn, for her great work. Here is the email:

From: Walton, Ben
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2010 11:02 PM
To: Osborn, Jeanna
Subject: Alisa and Miles the dog

Today I discovered why we have the canine program at CALO.  I am not sure if you have read shift notes on Alisa for tonight, but it details some of her struggles and difficulties.  Alisa was escorted due to self harming--working with her for about an hour and a half.  During this time Tony and myself were using every effort in the book that we had to get her to open up.  We tried being playful, curious, role-playing.  We were intense with her, we were gentle with her, and none of it worked.  Alisa still would/could not open up.   After about an hour and a half a student was walking by and had Miles.  Alisa was sitting at this time and Miles came up to her and lay down on her lap.  Alisa immediately broke down and started to weep on Miles.  Alisa hugged him, and gave him love, and he returned it to her.  After this Alisa opened up.  She talked about how she was feeling like a disappointment and a failure, and our conversation took off from that point.  Alisa was open, vulnerable, and honest.  It was everything you could want in a therapeutic conversation.  After Tony and I had tried our hardest for almost two hours, Miles came and did what we could not.  

Thank you, Jeanna, for your work with our dogs. The impact that Miles had on Alisa tonight cannot be measured. I’m sure you know this happens often at CALO but never has it been so clear to me how unique the comfort from a canine is. All your work tirelessly and patiently working with canines and students often goes unnoticed.  I notice.  Thank you.

Ben

Purpose in giving. Students are consistent with asking the question, "What is the purpose of giving?"  What they really mean is how does it impact me. And, the real underlying question is what value is there in giving when I'm not receiving what I want or possibly need (stuff, attention, etc.), thus resulting in selfishness.  The concept and experience that they are unaware of, is that giving is an experience which requires vulnerability and the internal security (self-worth, personal value, self-concept) to authentically derive meaning out of valuing others (and showing it). 

So much of personal growth and emotional development is dependent on an individuals ability to truly give and be able to appreciate what value it brings.  The students at CALO are among those fortune adolescence who get to experience life in ways which allow them the opportunity to emotionally and behaviorally grow because of the experience of giving.  More often than not, adolescence are consumed with self and this selfishness tends to be magnified when emotional and traumatic issues are present.  This magnified selfishness usually manifests itself in extreme behaviors, self destruction, pushing away of healthy relationships, lying, stealing, substance use, and a host of other inappropriate acts.  The main difficulty with selfishness is that it breads more selfishness and a feeling of discontent.  This feeling of discontent becomes increasingly intense because the destructive methods the student is using to meet the discontent never saturates, gratifies, or reaches any contentment.

At CALO, the students engage in the opportunity to stray from their selfishness and experience an increase of self-worth through giving back to others.  This opportunity is captured through the experience of the Caseload Project. This Project is organized by the different therapeutic caseloads (grouped by the students primary therapist) and is designed to give back to the community in ways which are meaningful and purposeful.  The therapists work with their students to come up with specific ideas, plans, and ways to implement productive giving to organizations and individuals in the community.  The caseloads take the majority of one day to actuate their giving and experience the emotional and physical benefit of truly helping others without expectation of return.

We are excited about this up coming Caseload Project which will take place on Monday March 15, 2010.  Therapists and students have organized projects to give back to the community in ways which are most effective for growth and safe for students and the community.  The students will engage in follow up groups which will access their experience and provide them the opportunity to present on their projects and the emotional growth they have undergone as a result.