I appreciate the positive feedback I have gotten from some current and former parents of CALO students. That feedback has centered around posts on this blog highlighting successes of former students. When I get such reports of success from parents, and students themselves, it is a job-satisfaction-enhancer. Our work at CALO can be quite difficult at times and to hear positive comments can make the difficult times well worth it. With that in mind, I have another email I want to post here that came in yesterday. The mother of a former student sent it in, and I have changed names only to protect confidentiality. This young lady, Sharon I will call her, had a difficult transition home and things had been very emotional and rough for three weeks. Sharon parted the family home for a few days and then returned. Sharon and the family had some trust to rebuild. They were able to do that work and proceed with plans for Sharon to enter college. That background will probably help make this post make sense. Here is the email:

Hi Ken:

I just wanted you to know that Sharon went to her first day of college and loved it. She aced the class and got a congratulations from the teacher afterward for her participation!

Of course, for the last three weeks her anxiety and her behavior had almost derailed everything we learned and achieved together at CALO. It has been really awful, to tell the truth. Not "it", but "she". And she had permission to get a job instead. Until she got into the car today I did not know if she would go.  But the dogs and I escorted her down the street and over to her school (5 minutes) and 90 minutes later came a triumphant phone call. Transitions are hard, we knew this, but this one was one of the worst. But she is there, now psyched, and we expect her to do well. Her experience with CALO'S dogs created  a serious interest in Veterinary Technology as well as teaching history. Who knew.

One more thing. Her boyfriend has been very supportive of her and has really helped her to remain on track with school! He was a calm voice all month long while she was totally off kilter especially the last two weeks. You never know how things are going to turn out.

We know she owes her success today, as hard as it came, to CALO and what she found there. She gets it too, and has also found a great therapist, and she is committed to that as well.

Take care, Julie

A few weeks earlier I got an email from Landon, our Clinical Director. He had just gotten off the phone with a different student who has been home for just over one year. She wanted to say hello. She is doing very well. Landon then sent out an email to all of us working at CALO. I have included it below with names changed:

Hello Staff,

Many of you who have been employed for at least a year will remember a student who aged out of CALO last July, Lori T.  Lori telephoned CALO today, as she has done a handful of times in the past 12 months, and we chatted for a bit.  I am pleased to report that Lori is doing very well.  She has held down a steady job working with kids and has strong goals and aspirations in her life.  She sounded genuinely positive and happy—still a touch awkward but you can tell she has really made strides in her interactions and relationships.  Her primary purpose for calling was out of concern for friends and former students and how she can help out—another great sign.

I asked Lori about Diva (her adopted CALO dog) and she said she is doing great but likes to eat too much and has gained some weight so Lori is going to exercise her more.  Lori asked about CALO, students, changes and about many of you staff and how you are doing.  She could not believe the growth we have experienced recently and shared she thinks about CALO all of the time.  She even asked if I kept a picture she made me before she left.  You can tell CALO is still a big part of her life.  Lori closed our conversation by asking that I tell everyone hello for her and “please tell them thanks cause’ I don’t think I did that enough.” 

Those of you wondering if you are making a difference may not realize it on a daily or even monthly basis but the seeds you are planting truly take root in their own due time.  Thank you so much for your efforts to bless lives!

Ken writing now--I really miss Lori and am so glad to hear how well she is doing. She struggled mightily when she first got to CALO. Eye contact was very poor. Touch in an safe manner was not possible for her. I couldn't even get her to give me a high five for a long time. She changed all of that in a most impressive way and now she is in an emotional space where she reaches out to friends spontaneously and appropriately. She smiles often and interacts well with those around her. She is not afraid of safe physical contact like shaking hands or a friendly touch on the shoulder. Given a safe environment with intensive therapeutic support and a solid clinical model and our students make massive changes. I love my job.

We recently had a young lady graduate from CALO who had done tremendous work in our program. She arrived in a most sullen state. By her own admission, she was angry even though she came to CALO of her own will. She was angry at her parents for putting down an ultimatum that she change her very dangerous lifestyle and become an interdependent member of the family. No more selfishness and constant taking--her parents wanted her to love and be loved. It took this girl, I will call her Jill, quite some time to start to open up at CALO, but eventually she did. The change was simply amazing. Where she had been sullen and tough, she was now smiling and kind. At her graduation her father read a letter from her mother, who was out of the country and could not be at the graduation. Below is that letter with the name "Jill" in place of the young lady's real name. Nothing else has been changed. Here is the letter:

Dear Jill,

On this your graduation day from CALO, I sincerely regret that I cannot attend physically.  I would like to be with you to share in your achievement today, and hope you will understand that I am emotionally and spiritually present to support and applaud you in this day of success and achievement.

You have been through a huge learning process and transformation in the past 14 months.   You have grown in understanding and grace.  You have made great strides in controlling your anger, learning to identify your feelings and how to express them appropriately.  You now have a much better understanding of who you really are and who you can become in the future.

Some graduations are called a commencement, which can seem confusing.  For some people, they think of graduation as a termination, like an end or a finishing up a program.  When the ceremony is called a commencement, or a beginning, it reminds us that you are starting out new, equipped with new skills, to start life afresh.   Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

In this new journey, Jill, I know there will be ups and downs, hills and valleys, joys and pains, successes and failures.  Know that I love you and support you, even when you make mistakes.  I hope you find the strength and courage to persevere and continue on this positive road to becoming the woman who can surpass all obstacles.  Strive to become the very best you can be.  Keep faith in your Creator, however you view Him.  Whatever direction you are called in, work hard.  Guard against all the snares and temptations that will keep you from succeeding—especially self doubt.   I hope you do find the success and happiness you desire.

Love, Mom

Final note from Ken: We heard back from Jill just a few weeks ago. She is still happy. She is doing very well in a new school. She expressed gratitude for the time she had at CALO.

Visiting programs prior to placing your student is a critical part of the decision making process. This visit should be utilized to help you determine if you and your child are a good fit for the program. This visit should not be taken lightly and should be an event you prepare for in advance. 

Key items to remember:

·          Arrive with an open heart and mind- leave preconceived notations at home.

·          Take the time- plan enough time for the tour; do not rush your visit.

·          Arrive prepared- create a list of questions beforehand highlighting specific questions for specific departments (academic, clinical, recreation, canine, admissions, CEO, etc.)

 Key questions to include:

1.      Ask how your student compares to the programs typical student.

2.      Ask why the admissions and/or clinical staff feel the program might be a successful placement for your student.

3.      Ask the clinical staff, what they believe your child needs to change?

4.      Ask about program ownership, how invested are the owners, are they on-site, how often do they interact with the staff and students?

5.      How accessible is the upper level staff (CEO, Clinical Director, etc) to you?

6.      What is the financial stability of the program?

7.      Ask about the programs specialties and specific areas of expertise.

8.      How did the program come to specialize?

9.      How is the direct care staff trained in regard to this area of specialty? Is training on-going? Are staff screened before being hired, if so, how?

10.  What treatment model does the program utilize? Does the treatment model utilized match the students they work with?

11.  How well versed is the staff in utilizing the treatment model?

12.  How will my child know they are cared about by staff?

13.  What is the role of the direct care staff?

14.  What is the role of the therapist?

15.  What is the role of the parent?

16.  How open in the program to family visits?

17.  How do students communicate with their parents?

18.  How do parents communicate with staff?

19.  Is the program licensed and accredited? If so, by whom.

20.  Does the program participate or have membership in professional organizations in their field?

21.  Ask for a list of parents (current and past) that you may contact.

22.  What makes the program different than all of the other programs out there?

23.  What is the ultimate goal the program is striving towards?

24.  What are the programs needed areas of growth or “weaknesses".

25.  Lastly, ask any question you feel would impact your ability to make a decision in regard to your students potential placement, no question is a bad question.

Resources- Below are some informative websites:

www.strugglingteens.com

www.natsap.org

www.iecaonline.org

Rob posted a few weeks ago on this blog about our parent retreat. Since that post we have had some very nice comments from parents, students, and staff who attended. I thought it might be nice to hear directly from one parent about her experience at the retreat. I was struck in reading her email by how alone parents can feel when dealing with a significantly emotionally challenged teen. The retreat helped many parents and students recognize similarities and also helped to end some of the isolation they have felt. Here is the unedited letter from the attending parent:

"My husband and I both attended the CALO parent retreat and found it to be extremely helpful.  Our situation was a bit odd: our daughter had only been at CALO for 6 weeks when the retreat happened and she refused to go on the retreat with us.  We initially felt awkward being the only parents whose child chose not to attend, but we also felt strongly that there would be a lot to learn at the retreat and it would be a great opportunity to meet the other girls in the program as well as their parents.  We found this to be the right choice on all counts.

The staff were amazing and we learned a great deal from them. They gave seminars, but they also taught us important things with the activities they had designed.  The activities were all designed to build trust and closeness and it really worked!  We enjoyed the adults and teenagers on our team very much.  And although we were sad not to have our daughter with us it did give us a chance to watch other families try to handle the same problems we have had with our daughter.  The similarities between their stories and ours were both startling and very encouraging.

As the parents of children with attachment disorders we had all tried everything we could think of...we had read parenting books and tried lots of different parenting strategies and in spite of all our efforts our children were in treatment. During meals at the retreat we discussed these things with the other parents and it was heartwarming to hear different versions of the same stories.  So many of us feel isolated and confused and in many cases harshly judged by friends, neighbors and even family who generally see our children at their best and cannot imagine why that charming child would behave so badly for us. What in the world are we doing wrong?  We left the retreat feeling as encouraged as we had been in a long time.  The other parents were encouraging, the staff were encouraging and really, the other teens were encouraging talking about their own issues and improvements and their hopes for our daughter.  We are so glad we went and look forward to another retreat- hopefully one that our daughter attends!"

I have been going back in forth on what to email you in regards to the differences with CALO and where I am currently employed.  I have thought long and hard as to what to write about. More...

"My son is doing great!!! There is such a change in him. He seems really happy to be at home. I have noticed that he has gotten real close to his father and I feel that when he shows affection to me he truly means it. I never noticed this before CALO - I guess all of the times before he just said he loved me because he thought he was supposed to. I really think he does now. CALO saved our family."

-Parent quote in regard to a student's progress following completion of the CALO program.

Every so often we receive communication from former students and parents of students. It is nice to hear how they are doing and what they are up to. I recently received a letter from a parent whose daughter had returned home seven weeks ago. The parent was giving us an update and had this to say about his daughter, who I will call Julia. He wrote: “As of today, Julia has been home for 7 weeks. To date, we have had no ‘volcanic behavioral eruptions.’ Whenever Julia has been anywhere close to a meltdown, she draws upon the coping skills learned at CALO, which certainly includes spending time with her dog, Anya. We continue regular therapy with Diana Giest, the wonderful attachment therapist you met during her visit to CALO last summer, which has been helpful. Ken, it’s difficult to put into words how much it means to Mom and Dad to not have to be ‘hypervigilent’ in our parenting, to protect Julia from poor choices. At this time of year especially, we are thankful to you and your colleagues at CALO for their help and support. You do amazing work!”

That letter alone was quite kind and I am grateful for this parent’s words. That parent then sent a handwritten note from Julia. Here is that letter. Just click on the pdf below:

student EK letter.pdf (1.00 mb)

This was a “payday” letter and the reason we do what we do at CALO. Just wanted to share it with you.

Diversity is defined by Webster’s Merriam dictionary as “the condition of being diverse: variety; especially the inclusion of diverse people in a group or organization.” Wikipedia notes that “diversity encompasses acceptance and respect. It means understanding that each individual is unique, and recognizing our individual differences. It is the exploration of these differences in a safe, positive, and nurturing environment. It is about understanding each other and moving beyond simple tolerance to embracing and celebrating the rich dimensions of diversity contained within each individual.”

These two definitions I believe encapsulate the diversity I see within CALO’s small family oriented community. Though we have a small student/family community we also have a diverse community due to our specialized focus. We have students from all over the country, of varying ethnicities, religions, backgrounds, both adopted and not adopted, etc. Our relationship based attachment model embraces the individual differences within our students and their families. CALO’s unique ability to individualize treatment for each student/family allows for and embraces diversity.  The diversity at CALO brings the students and families together and unites them as we all work toward the common goal of healing and moving toward interdependence. CALO provides the safe, positive, nurturing environment such that real change may occur.

There is an old Chinese Proverb that says, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a meal, teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime."  Over the past six weeks in recreational therapy CALO students have been doing just that, fishing.  After learning the basic principles of standard real casting techniques, CALO students broke out the waders and the fly rods and have been learning how to fly fish.  It has been an incredibly frustrating experience for both staff and students.  A great deal of time has been spent untying knots that were miraculously created while learning the overhead and roll casts.  Hooks have snuck their way into the most difficult and hard to reach places snagging branches high in the trees and deep underwater.  Hooks have also managed to sneak into the fingertips of a couple of unsuspecting students. Throughout this learning process students have learned about fishing, and also about trust.

Trust is a concept that is scary to many of our students.  More...

The recent events in our nation and the impact these events have had on our economy are requiring families to take a hard look at their finances. This is especially true when it is determined that their child needs residential treatment. At CALO, we know that specialized treatment is expensive. Due to this truth, CALO is always looking for ways to support our families in finding help or support in regard to funding options. Recent additions to our efforts include the following:

• Becoming a contracted provider with AETNA
• Becoming a North Carolina Medicaid Provider
• Pursuing becoming a provider for Arkansas Medicaid
• Pursuing becoming a provider for New York Medicaid
• Pursuing becoming a provider for Nebraska Medicaid
• Pursuing becoming a Tri-care provider
• Researching Adoption Subsidy Funding Options

While each of these avenues requires extensive paperwork, time and energy the effort is more than worth it to support our current families and to provide a treatment option for families that otherwise would not be able to utilize CALO for their child.