On July 13^th we will be hosting our Parent Seminar where we will thoroughly explore our Canine program and the process and impact of Neurofeedback.  In addition to the Parent Seminar, we will facilitate a Parent Support Group to provide opportunity for parents to share and connect with one another. 

This is a terrific opportunity to be a part of the CALO experience and become intimately familiar with the program and its specific interventions.  The seminar will delve into the process of Transferable Attachment and the healing power of the canines in conjunction with the process, impact, and power of Neurofeedback. 

Immediately following the Seminar, parents will gather to enjoy a time of processing, sharing, and connecting with other parents through the Parent Support Group.  This time has been proven to be most valuable for parents feeling understood and supported.

Schedule is as follows:

July 13, 2012

12:15-12:30pm      Parents gather lunch and meet in Conference Room

12:30-2:00pm       Seminar – Canine Program (Jeanna Osborn- Canine Supervisor) & Neurofeedback (Misti Puckett- Neurofeedback Administrator)

2:00-2:30pm         Break

2:30-3:45pm         Parent Support Group in Conference Room

Please notify your therapist of your attendance so we are able to plan accordingly.  We look forward to seeing you then.   

One of the most impactful and effective aspects of treatment is for the program and the parents/guardians to be on the “Same page” and standing together as a “United Front”. Kids often come into treatment being masters at splitting authority figures (parents, teachers, etc.) and playing one against the other.  This has a tremendously frustrating impact on those authority figures because we don’t want to send our kids conflicting messages and we may often disagree with someone else’s approach or decision.  The question then becomes, “What is the impact of this splitting/triangulation on the child?” The answer is quite simply that it is unsafe. When the child learns that they can learn to split those authority figures, then they learn that boundaries can now be blurred and be manipulated in ways that are no longer constant, stable, reliable, and consistent.

As the child practices the art of splitting/triangulating, they reinforce that control is more comfortable than trust.  The interesting part of “Control” is that it is based in fear and that children of abuse, neglect, and trauma learn to preserve themselves (survival) through “Control”.  This means that control is a response to a core experience of survival and becomes “Safer” in their mind than the “Unsafe” rejection experienced with trust.

This response or drive for control becomes most evident in the splitting or triangulation of parents/guardians and the treatment program.  The child wants to maintain the “Safety” of control and getting parents/guardians to be in conflict with the treatment center becomes an effective tool for them to avoid the fear associated with addressing painful issues, being authentically cared about, experiencing vulnerability, and creating intimacy.  All of these different experiences are what creates long lasting change and avoiding them becomes possible when program and parents are disconnected. 

It is always amazingly effective when parents/guardians are a “United Front” and present to the student as one, sharing the same intention, purpose, and commitment to the child.  This is to say that disagreements and/or differing opinions get shared and discussed away from the child and that decisions can then be made that are consistent, dependable, and reliable in front of the child.  Through this “United Front”, the child then becomes to trust that the program and parents are making decisions based upon what is best for the child physically and emotionally.  Then child then experiences “Safe Relationships” that are based on care and not control.  This is when transformation begins to take root and the child can learn to trust those authority figures in their lives and begin to share the joy that comes through trust and intimacy. 

This last Monday was an experience that I will not soon forget.  As planned, the preparations for the All Day Team Group were finalized and the students were prepared to spend the next eight hours with their team and therapists.  The students had worked with their therapist to plan on a day that would focus on engaging in service and developing team building.  As this day was upon us, I felt excitement to spend the next hours with the Falcons (boys) serving the less fortunate by volunteering at a local store which provided food and clothing to those in need. 

I vividly recall gathering the Falcons together to discuss the purpose of service and the principle of giving as a means to develop empathy, compassion, and experience joy and connection.  The boys were saying the right words, but just weren’t showing the enthusiasm that I had hoped.  We loaded the van and continued to talk about the opportunity to evidence trust and the need for appropriate behaviors.  Once we arrived at the store (Hope House), the boy’s apprehension about what we would be doing became increasingly noticeable and apparent.  We walked through the doors and were pleasantly greeted by volunteers so happy to see us and appreciate for our desire to help.  We were swiftly assigned to tasks and the boys were split up with staff in smaller groups around the different sections of the store.  Some were organizing furniture, electronics, and hardware, where others were emptying trash, organizing clothes, and assisting with the food pantry. 

I, along with two boys, where assigned to the food pantry where we meet Don who was a retired gentleman who volunteered multiple days of the week.  He took us in the back and gave us chairs where he explained how we would work with him and sort through bags that people dropped off to be used.  As we worked together, Don asked the boys many questions and made them feel appreciated.  He talked with us about his reasons for volunteering and how giving to others made him feel joyful.  Don joked around and introduced us to many of the other volunteers who similarly expressed how meaning and purpose came from giving without expectation of return.  The two responded with a new found sense of awareness that serving others was in fact rewarding and felt good.

With new found smiles on their faces and a rejuvenated energy, the boys and I met with the rest of the group and formed an assembly line to put together bags with breakfast items that the store would pass out to those in need.  It was amazing to watch our entire group work with the volunteers and passionately put cereal, pancake mix, granola bars, syrup, etc, into bags and show real excitement and determination.  As we finished assembling the bags, the regular volunteers repeatedly thanked us and stated how enjoyable the boys were and how helpful a group we had been.  In an extremely rewarding moment for me, the boys reciprocated and expressed how much the learned from the experience and were grateful for the opportunity to give to others. 

The ride home was filled with enjoyable laughter and reflection of how we all wanted to go back and feel positive about ourselves and how service had changed us. It was a terrific day that I won’t forget because I know that serving others produced authentic feelings of gratitude, empathy, and compassion in the students (staff and therapists as well). 

It was Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”  This summer CALO students have discovered the truthfulness of this statement as they have focused on learning a number of aquatic skills.  Whether it is believing in yourself enough to pass of the challenging swim test, or learning to get up on water skis, our students have spent this summer exploring their own beliefs.

Self Efficacy is the understanding that your belief in success is a greater predictor of future success than past experience.  In order to help our students believe in their own ability to succeed it is important that they learn new skills sequentially, allowing them the opportunity to build on small successes. 

Recently I spent a fair amount of time helping one of our young ladies complete a swimming test in the beautiful Lake of the Ozarks.  She had already check off the requirements of floating on her back, treading water, demonstrating the three primary swimming strokes, and swimming a full 300 yards without stopping.  All that was left was the dreaded weight drop.  During this activity you must swim down ten feet and pick up a 5 pound weight off of the bottom of the lake floor.  After swimming it up to the surface of the water you must tread water for 20 seconds holding the weight above your head.  This is typically the final and most difficult portion of the swimming test. 

As I was helping one of our female students complete this task it was clear that she had no belief in herself that she was going to succeed.  She would duck her head in to the water for roughly three and a half seconds and then come dramatically out of the water gasping for air.  She then proceeded to explain that no matter how hard she tries there is no way she was going to be able to succeed.  She needed help, she needed a victory.

This young girl and I swam over to an area that was just five feet deep.  There we practiced over and over again picking up handfuls of dirt.  We talked about how difficult it is to dive down deep you’re your lungs full of air.  We discussed the importance of swimming vertically to decrease the distance to the lake floor.  Eventually we moved out to a depth of seven feet and then eight.  A week and a half later this young lady was grabbing dirt off of the bottom of the lake at ten feet deep.  When I proposed that she swim down and pick up the weight there was a certainty in her voice and a confidence in her face; she had no doubt she would succeed.

This process of building on success functions in any setting and with any skill.  The concepts are consistent, and what is even more exciting is that they are transferable.  When the young lady surfaced with the weight and passed off her swimming test there was an uproar with her peers and she received a swimming ovation.  As we talked about her success we were able to apply the principles of hard work, education and persistence to algebra, household chores, relationships and therapy as well.  Regardless of what struggle you are facing, “Whether you think you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”

We have not publicized it very much, so many will not know of a leadership retreat that we took last month. The retreat took us to Phoenix and across the border into Mexico near Puerto Penasco (Rocky Point). While there we had various business planning meetings and we also had some fun. What meant the most to us though was our time at an orphanage called "Esperanza Para Los Ninos" (Esperanza for the Children). We have vacillated some on whether to even mention our time in Mexico at the Children's Home. It was quite a personal experience for all of us. It was tender and beautiful to be around the children in the home. The chance to help these children out--just a little--was profoundly moving. Ultimately, we have decided to tell our experience so that others might find ways to help out with this orphanage.

Esperanza is not an orphanage where the children are being adopted out. Most are from the local community and their parents are in jail or are abusing substances or they are simply so poor they have relinquished their children into the care of Esperanza. There are 48 or so children, ranging in age from 2 to 18. They are polite and well mannered and want nothing more than company and care. The Zapatas, who run the facility, keep a tight ship. The older children help out with the younger children. "Please" and "thank you" are a part of their vocabulary (in Spanish of course). They love to play games and they very much like water fights we found out. Here are just a few pictures of our time at Esperanza.

This boy could not get enough of Rob's goatee

Caleb clowning around

At Sam's getting supplies

Some of the girls

The whole group

The orphanage is funded almost entirely by donations. That is the reason we are documenting our trip. Please take a look at a website created for them by Rick Bills. Rick has been donating time and effort to the cause for many years and maintains the website. Here is the link:

http://www.esperanzachildrenshome.com/

You can donate right online. You can go in person as we did and take supplies. If you want, we would be glad to add your donations to our own. The website has a list of supplies that they most often need if you are interested. Call any member of the CALO administrative team if you want to hear more about the trip or want to get involved.