As all of therapists sat in the upper conference room early on Thursday morning, one thing kept going through my head, “We are about to do training with one of the key figures in Attachment Therapy, Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman, wow!”  It wasn’t that it was just “Another training”, but four personally focused hours within the intimate setting of just CALO’s clinical team.  This was a unique training that accessed here and now experiences and interventions that were happening within the current caseloads of our therapists.  I am sincerely grateful to Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman for his time, keen insight into changing lives, and ability to be passionate and committed to helping other professionals.

The training was a tremendous opportunity and highlighted that CALO’s model for treatment is truly relationship focused and is grounded in making long term and profound change in the lives of its students and families.  Dr. Art helped to illustrate that we (CALO) are providing treatment that has been established as an effective, evidenced based therapeutic approach that is proven to create long term change in the lives of families struggling with the impact of trauma and attachment difficulties. 

As the training progressed, I could see the faces of the therapist lighting up as they internalized precious “Nuggets” of information that helped to conceptualize what we do with succinct language.  One of the most power concepts outlining our model of treatment was the progression of four key concepts; Alliance, Exploration, Integration, and Healing.  Being able to have Dr. Art carefully articulate these words was immensely helpful in understanding how we must always remember that relationship (Alliance) is the foundation of change.  With this foundation comes the ability explore experiences and emotions from the past which are affecting the student in the present.  With exploration comes the ability (due to the safety of the relationship/alliance) to begin to integrate those experiences and emotions into the students emotional and physical “Narrative”.  This process is the way in which healing occurs and the student then can begin to work towards constructing a coherent narrative of their life and begin to feel safer trusting others and experiencing emotional intimacy. 

I am now a few days removed from this training an am excited to use these terms to create experiences and education for parents in which families begin to heal and grow.  I want to be able to express to those reading this that these terms and concepts are foundational to our treatment and additional questions and thoughts should be directed to your primary therapist to openly explore and experience. 

Dear Parent(s)/Guardian(s),

Confused by some of the CALO language?  Is the CALO model still a bit foreign?  Feel like you are on a rollercoaster of progress?  Wondering what to do after CALO?

We are here to help!  On the eve of our parent retreat, Wednesday May 9^th, please join us for a parent dinner at 5:15 PM in our CALO conference room.  After dinner begins we will have a presentation aimed to help parents better understand the ins and outs of CALO, navigate the ups and downs of residential treatment and predict and prepare for post CALO life.  Some of you may have been through this presentation at prior seminars or retreats.  If not, we hope to see you there.  The orientation will be conducted by a few of our therapists.  Please RSVP attendance with your CALO therapist.  We expect to finish a bit after 7 PM.

The upcoming CALO Parent Retreat (May 10^th-11^th) is an exciting time for parents/guardians to immerse themselves in connective opportunities.  One of the primary opportunities that the Parent Retreat presents is the chance to be a “Coach” to your student while receiving the support of the CALO staff.  Being a “Coach” to the student means showing consistent care while modeling appropriate boundaries, setting limits, being playful, becoming vulnerable, maintaining physical and emotional safety, expressing empathy, and experiencing joy.  Taking on this “Coaching” role is a huge responsibility, but one that is necessary to establish safety and communicate unconditional care for the student. 

Students require this level of care because they have often tried so hard to compromise the unconditionally caring/safe relationship of the parents/guardian due to their early trauma associated with various forms of abandonment, abuse, neglect, developmental trauma, etc.  Fully trusting a safe parental figure is often the hardest and scariest opportunity for these students to allow themselves to enjoy.  Our parents are all too familiar with the tireless efforts they have put in to evidencing unconditional love, trust, and connection, while getting all forms of resistance, resentment, and opposition pushed back onto them.  That is why the Parent Retreat is a perfect opportunity to practice implementing this type of relationship while receiving the support and assistance from staff, therapists, and Leadership team in order to keep all parties safe. 

 The Coaching role is very similar to the parent role, but is just different in that the level of physical intimacy (safe touch) and verbal intimacy (verbal expression of love) is more intense with the parent role.  Otherwise, the student is experiencing consistency with “Doing what is best” for them, not necessarily what they “Want”, being able to express empathy for emotions that the student may be feeling (rejection, shame, happiness, sadness, loneliness, etc.),  de-escalating situations through assisting in emotional and physical regulation (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy), setting consistent boundaries/limits related to emotional and physical safety, and being able to maintain “Closeness” if that is what the student requires.

In addition to the Parental/Coaching role, there is opportunity to develop relationships with other parents/guardians, spend quality time with primary therapist, get to know staff, and participate in numerous fun and meaningful activities.  The Parent Retreat is rapidly approaching and is designed for all families who are a part of CALO.  Take the opportunity to experience real growth and connection this spring. 

5^th Semi-Annual Spring CALO Parent Retreat

Thursday May 10^th - Friday May 11^th   

Theme: “Living In the Growth Zone”

Parents/Guardians,

As most of you know we are closing in on our fifth semi-annual parent retreat Thursday May 10^th - Friday May 11^th.  As is the case with every retreat, there are lots of questions so this blog post is set to answer those and help you prepare to make this retreat a success. We receive consistent feedback that nearly all parents/guardians (hereafter referred to as parents) continue to enjoy our retreats a great deal.

The retreat is for all current and former CALO parents and students. The only exceptions are those students who may be unsafe to attend (see your CALO therapist). In order to attend we need you to please RSVP to your current or former CALO therapist by Friday April 13^th. We need to provide final projections to the retreat hosts by this date so they can plan for spacing and food. Please note that all participating parents will be responsible for the supervision and welfare of their CALO student during the retreat time. This includes overnight (please discuss concerns with therapist prior to retreat).

Thursday Highlights

Parent Breakfast (8:00 AM) in CALO conference room

Parent Seminar

Travel to retreat location

Therapeutic Activities

Parent Support Groups

Campfire Activity

Friday Highlights

Therapeutic Activities

Family Time

Slide Show

Ending around 2:30PM or so (may change slightly)

Clothing/Gear List

Hat

Rain/wind jacket

Shirts

Shorts/pants

Socks/Shoes

Sandals

Underwear

Sunscreen

Insect repellant

Lip balm

Toiletries (including soap and shampoo)

Flashlight

Conservative and appropriate swimwear

Towels for bathing and water activities

Sleeping attire

Camera (confidentiality restrictions) - only pictures of you, your student, facilities and/or staff (no other pictures of students)

No pocket knives, weapons, fireworks, matches, or other dangerous items

Parents are strongly discouraged from bringing excessive or distracting items (i.e. I-Pods, cell phones, etc.)

Q&A

Will CALO and/or the retreat location be providing bedding, pillows and/or towels for this retreat?

·         CALO will arrange for students attending to have their sleeping bag, pillow, and towel. Parents, however, will want to bring 1) a sleeping bag or blankets, 2) a pillow and 3) bathing towel.  *Hint:  Some parents flying to the retreat may want to consider buying a less expensive sleeping bag or blankets in the arrival city instead of paying for this as extra luggage. 

Will I be sleeping on a bed with a mattress or are we camping?

·         All students and parents will sleep on a bed with a mattress.

What are the sleeping arrangements like?

·         This retreat will feature family lodging.  Each family will either have a private, large cabin with bunk-beds or sleep in a duplex unit with traditional beds and mattresses (students sleeping on the floor).  Families in duplexes will share the duplex space with another family or with CALO staff.  Each duplex has one bathroom. The cabins utilize a centralized large bathhouse with many private showers, sinks and restrooms. 

What if I get hungry?

·         You may bring your own snacks but CALO will be providing water/drinks and a variety of snacks. CALO will also provide three meals on Thursday and two meals on Friday. We do not receive feedback that anyone goes hungry on retreats.

How strenuous will this be?

·         We try to be sensitive and understanding of any physical limitations parents may have. Wearing comfortable clothing and good walking shoes is a must (there will be a fair amount of walking). It would also be wise to rest up before the retreat as we do want to maximize our time together. Parents with special needs or circumstances should make these clearly known to the CALO therapist.

What will the weather be like?

·         We experienced a mild winter here in mid Missouri.  Because the retreat is in May, check the weather forecasts before the trip. Plan on fluctuating temperatures from the 80’s during the day to 50’s during late evening-morning hours. It would also be wise to anticipate rain and wind.

What are the costs for this?  Do I need to bring any spending money?

·         Our plan is for parent retreats to continue to be a part of tuition. This retreat is no different as there are no additional costs to parents. Depending on future locations and costs, we may ask parents to pay a portion of the expenses. However, we will do everything possible to create a variety of experiences during our retreats while trying to keep costs down. So far we feel like we have done that. 

What if I have an off campus or home visit right after the retreat?

·         Please be in close contact with your CALO therapist about post-retreat plans.  We want to make the transition as smooth as possible so families are able to leave the retreat and immediately begin off-campus visits without an extra return trip to CALO if possible.  In order for this to happen your therapist needs details (exact times of visits, medication expectations, off campus belongings needed, etc.)

When do I need to show up for the retreat and when will it end?

·         Please arrive at CALO on Thursday morning around 8:00am but no later than 8:10am.  Please head straight to the conference room for breakfast.  The retreat will end by 2:30 or 3:00PM on Friday.

My child is asking for me to bring his I-Pod, l-Pad, and/or other electronic.  What should I do?

·         Tell him you are looking forward to the retreat focusing on your relationship and you would rather not have distractions.  We strongly discourage parents from bringing any electronic equipment to the retreat for students to use. 

What if I get nervous, anxious or concerned about my child’s behavior and/or safety during the retreat?

·         Stay in frequent communication with your therapist and coaches.  Feel free to ask for help or support at any time. 

How else should I prepare for the retreat?

·         We are entering the third year of CALO retreats.  Previous retreats have evidenced this time to be very effective in creating safe, meaningful, and lasting memories with your CALO students, CALO staff and other CALO families in attendance. Please be prepared to learn, grow, and connect.

We look forward to seeing you in May!

Dear parents and guardians (hereafter referred to as parents),

I am pleased to confirm dates for our spring parent retreat. The dates will be Thursday May 10^th - Friday May 11^th.  We hope all of you will begin making preparations to attend (please confirm and coordinate with your CALO therapist). Here is a quick list to help you get started:

What?  Fifth Semi-Annual CALO Parent Retreat.

When? Thursday May 10th – Friday May 11^th (parents/guardians will want to travel no later than Wednesday May 9^th).

Who? Parents are invited.  We are unable to accommodate grandparents, siblings, and so forth.  Students of attending parents will participate.

Where? A retreat location at Lake of the Ozarks (we will have you meet us at CALO on Thursday morning for a breakfast and seminar and we will either transport you to the location or give you directions so you can drive yourself).

Why? This will mark the third consecutive year we will have parent retreats at CALO.  The purpose for these retreats is primarily to empower parents with more skills and resources, allow a safe and connecting experience for parents and child to be vulnerable and heal, allow parents to rub shoulders and support one another and to allow parents to better connect with CALO staff. 

Cost? There will be no charge to parents to attend this retreat other than expenses accrued during travel.

Pack? I will send out a packing list at least two months before the retreat but I can tell you now it will not be too cumbersome.  A future blog will have more details. 

We look forward to seeing you there!

This last Monday was an experience that I will not soon forget.  As planned, the preparations for the All Day Team Group were finalized and the students were prepared to spend the next eight hours with their team and therapists.  The students had worked with their therapist to plan on a day that would focus on engaging in service and developing team building.  As this day was upon us, I felt excitement to spend the next hours with the Falcons (boys) serving the less fortunate by volunteering at a local store which provided food and clothing to those in need. 

I vividly recall gathering the Falcons together to discuss the purpose of service and the principle of giving as a means to develop empathy, compassion, and experience joy and connection.  The boys were saying the right words, but just weren’t showing the enthusiasm that I had hoped.  We loaded the van and continued to talk about the opportunity to evidence trust and the need for appropriate behaviors.  Once we arrived at the store (Hope House), the boy’s apprehension about what we would be doing became increasingly noticeable and apparent.  We walked through the doors and were pleasantly greeted by volunteers so happy to see us and appreciate for our desire to help.  We were swiftly assigned to tasks and the boys were split up with staff in smaller groups around the different sections of the store.  Some were organizing furniture, electronics, and hardware, where others were emptying trash, organizing clothes, and assisting with the food pantry. 

I, along with two boys, where assigned to the food pantry where we meet Don who was a retired gentleman who volunteered multiple days of the week.  He took us in the back and gave us chairs where he explained how we would work with him and sort through bags that people dropped off to be used.  As we worked together, Don asked the boys many questions and made them feel appreciated.  He talked with us about his reasons for volunteering and how giving to others made him feel joyful.  Don joked around and introduced us to many of the other volunteers who similarly expressed how meaning and purpose came from giving without expectation of return.  The two responded with a new found sense of awareness that serving others was in fact rewarding and felt good.

With new found smiles on their faces and a rejuvenated energy, the boys and I met with the rest of the group and formed an assembly line to put together bags with breakfast items that the store would pass out to those in need.  It was amazing to watch our entire group work with the volunteers and passionately put cereal, pancake mix, granola bars, syrup, etc, into bags and show real excitement and determination.  As we finished assembling the bags, the regular volunteers repeatedly thanked us and stated how enjoyable the boys were and how helpful a group we had been.  In an extremely rewarding moment for me, the boys reciprocated and expressed how much the learned from the experience and were grateful for the opportunity to give to others. 

The ride home was filled with enjoyable laughter and reflection of how we all wanted to go back and feel positive about ourselves and how service had changed us. It was a terrific day that I won’t forget because I know that serving others produced authentic feelings of gratitude, empathy, and compassion in the students (staff and therapists as well). 

Specializing in the fields of Attachment, trauma, and emotional regulation means that CALO must be a significant part of the ever advancing treatment, theory, research, and practice of therapy.  Due to our commitment to effective treatment of adolescence and families struggling with these specific issues, we have remained committed to our involvement in the ATTACH organization (attach.org) and their annual conference.  This year’s conference was especially meaningful for CALO because our CEO, Dr. Ken Huey, participated in developing and producing the annual conference as one of the elected members of the ATTACH board.  In addition, CALO was able to be the Platinum sponsor of the conference as well as Dr. Huey being one of the conference presenters. 

One exciting aspect for CALO is that we are able to have our entire clinical team be a significant part of the conference.  This year we were able to travel to Omaha, NE and engage in cutting edge treatment of attachment, trauma, and emotion regulation by partaking in training by such renowned researchers, clinicians, and practitioners as Dr. Ed Tronik, Dr. Laurie Ann Pearlman, Dr. John Briere, and Dr. Arthur Becker-Wiedman.  This training is an invaluable time for our clinicians to continue the process of growth and solidify being an expert clinician in the specialty of attachment and trauma.  It is always a tremendous opportunity for our team to not only learn and grow, but consult with other clinicians, meet parents, represent CALO, and develop relationships with each other. 

This year’s conference was incredibly impactful and educational, but had a special place in the heart of CALO because the entire clinical team was able to be a present for Dr. Huey’s presentation on Transferable Attachment.  This presentation was an interactive experience with actual students from CALO (current and former) who were able to have the courage to become vulnerable about their journey in treatment and the personal transformation they have undergone.  The students were able to show how their relationship with the Golden Retriever canines had allowed them to transfer their ability to attach to their parents/guardians.  It was simply amazing to experience how their involvement in the canine program had contributed so significantly to creating self-worth, empathy, connection, healing, and hope for the student and their families. 

CALO’s commitment to treatment excellence means that we will continue to remain a significant part of the Attachment and trauma world and always continue to be learning, training, and advancing our skills as clinicians as well as facilitating connection and healing with families. 

Dear Parent(s)/Guardian(s),

It's been a few months since we have reminded you so we wanted you be aware of our upcoming Winter (Thanksgiving) parent seminar. The last few years we have had a parent seminar the day before Thanksgiving and this year we will be doing the same. Please, if you can make it, plan on attending our next parent seminar on Wednesday November 23rd at 12:30PM. Between 12:15-12:25PM please make your way into our dining room to grab a tray of lunch and then head to the conference room with your lunch by 12:30pm so we can start on time. The seminar will be an hour and a half aimed on core beliefs. The seminar will be led by two of our great therapists, Amanda and Evan. After the seminar we will have a short break before having a parent support group. Please notify your treating therapist if you will be in attendance just as soon as you know if you are coming so we can get an accurate head count. We look forward to seeing you!

We invite all parent(s)/guardian(s) to please check this blog and the parent portal regularly. We post information about upcoming events in these locations so you can plan ahead as we know you have much to juggle. You may also wish to sign up for blog notifications by simply entering your e-mail address in the space provided on this page before clicking, "Notify me." 

Thursday September 1^st - Friday September 2^nd  

Theme:  Making Things Go Right

Parents/Guardians,

As most of you know by now we are less than a month away from our fourth semi-annual parent retreat Thursday September 1^st - Friday September 2nd. Naturally there are lots of questions so this blog post is here to answer and provide details.

While each retreat has a similar structure, the retreat this year, based on parent feedback from our spring retreat, will be more practical and skill-set focused. Most parents/guardians (hereafter referred to as parents) continue to enjoy our retreats a great deal. In fact, suggestions for improvement dropped considerably in our Spring retreat which indicates we are finding our sweet spot. The consistent piece of feedback is the desire for more tangible, “take-home” tools while still maintaining the other benefits of the retreat (interacting with other parents/families, interacting with CALO staff, support groups, being off campus, no cost to parents, and spending quality time in a structured environment with CALO student).

This retreat will mark the fourth different location in as many events; providing another unique experience with a variety of activities/events.

The retreat is for all current and former CALO parents and students. In order to attend we need you to please RSVP your current or former CALO therapist if you have not already done so by this Friday, August 12^th as we need to provide final numbers to the retreat hosts. Please note that all participating parents will be responsible for their student during the retreat time (please discuss concerns with therapist prior to retreat).

Thursday Highlights

Parent Breakfast (8:00 AM) in CALO conference room

Parent Seminar

Travel to retreat location

Therapeutic Activities

Parent Support Groups

Friday Highlights

Therapeutic Activities

Family Time

Slide Show

Ending around 2:30PM or so (may change slightly)

Clothing/Gear List

Hat

Rain jacket

Shirts

Shorts/pants

Socks/Shoes

Sandals

Underwear

Sunscreen

Insect repellant

Lip balm

Toiletries including soap and shampoo

Flashlight

Conservative and appropriate swimwear

Towels

Sleeping attire

Camera (confidentiality restrictions) - only pictures of you, your student, facilities and/or staff (no other pictures of students)

No pocket knives, weapons, fireworks, matches, or other dangerous tiems

Parents are strongly discouraged from bringing excessive or distracting items (i.e. I-Pods, cell phones, etc.)

Q&A

Will CALO or the retreat location be providing bedding, pillows and/or towels for this retreat?

·         CALO will arrange for students attending to have their sleeping bag, pillow, and towel. Parents, however, will just need to bring a towel as linens will be provided. 

Do I need to bring any food or snacks?

·         You may bring your own snacks but CALO will be providing water/drinks and a variety of snacks. CALO/retreat will also provide three meals on Thursday and two meals on Friday. 

How strenuous will this be?

·        We try to be sensitive and understanding of any physical limitations parents may have. Wearing comfortable clothing and good walking shoes is a must. It would also be wise to rest up before the retreat as we do want to maximize our time together. Parents with special needs or circumstances should make these clearly known to the CALO therapist as soon as possible. In addition, parents wishing to rent a golf cart may do so for $20. The cost will cover usage on both Thursday and Friday (students are not permitted to drive the carts). Please let your CALO therapist know of this request as soon as you can.

What will the weather be like?

·         We have experienced a very hot summer here in mid Missouri and it should be plenty warm during the retreat as well. Check the weather forecasts before the trip but plan on fluctuating temperatures from the 90’s during the day to 60’s during late evening-morning hours. It would also be wise to anticipate rain and wind.

What are the costs for this?  Do I need to bring any spending money?

·         Our plan is for parent retreats to continue to be a part of tuition. This retreat is no different as there are no additional costs to parents. Depending on future locations and costs, we may ask parents to pay a portion of the expenses. However, we will do everything possible to create a variety of experiences during our retreats while trying to keep costs down. So far we feel like we have done that. 

What are the sleeping arrangements like?

·         This retreat will feature motel sleeping arrangements. Each family will have their own unit featuring two double beds. Students with two parents visiting will bring their own sleeping pad, sleeping bag and pillow and sleep on the floor. Each motel room has running water, restrooms, showers, and electrical outlets.

What if I have an off campus or home visit right after the retreat?

·         Please be in close contact with your CALO therapist about post-retreat plans.  We want to make the transition as smooth as possible so families are able to leave the retreat and immediately begin home visits without an extra return trip to CALO if possible.  In order for this to happen your therapist needs details (exact times of visits, medication expectations, off campus belongings needed, etc.)

When do I need to show up for the retreat and when will it end?

·         Please arrive at CALO on Thursday morning at 8:00am but no later than 8:10am.  Please head straight to the conference room for breakfast.  The retreat will end by 2:30-3:00PM on Friday.

My child is asking for me to bring his I-Pod, l-Pad, and/or (electronic).  What should I do?

·         Tell him you are looking forward to the retreat focusing on your relationship and you would rather not have distractions.  We strongly discourage any electronic equipment to be brought to the retreat for students to use. 

What if I get nervous, anxious or concerned about my child’s behavior during the retreat?

·         Stay in frequent communication with your therapist and coaches.  Feel free to ask for help or support at any time. 

How else should I prepare for the retreat?

·         Our first three retreats laid the foundation for this and future retreats in respect to creating safe, meaningful, and lasting memories. Be ready and open to learning, growing and connecting.

Dear parents and guardians,

I am pleased to confirm dates for our fall parent retreat.  The dates will be Thursday September 1^st - Friday September 2^nd.  It has taken longer than anticipated to reach terms with a facility but we are now ready to roll.  We hope all of you will begin making preparations to attend (please confirm and coordinate with your CALO therapist). Here is a quick list to help you get started:

·         What?  Fourth Semi-Annual CALO Parent Retreat

·         When? Thursday September 1^st – Friday September 2^nd (parents will want to travel no later than Wednesday August 31st ) .

·         Who? Parent(s) and guardian(s) are invited.  We are unable to accommodate grandparents, siblings, and so forth.  Students of attending parents and guardians will participate.

·         Where? A retreat location (first time at this location) at Lake of the Ozarks (we will have you meet us at CALO on Thursday morning for a breakfast and seminar and we will either transport you to the location or give you directions so you can drive yourself).

·         Cost? There will be no charge to parents to attend this retreat other than expenses accrued during travel.

·         Pack? This retreat will have a different feel to it.  I believe it will feel less like “camping.”  Families will have their own motel room. A future blog will have more details. 

We look forward to seeing you there!