Trust of Care
Trust of Care speaks to the belief that the caregivers around our students will take care of their physical needs. Food, shelter, health, wellness, and hygiene will be monitored and provided by trusted adult employees. Some CALO students enroll lacking this most basic level of trust so our first goal is to provide evidence that allows new students to believe CALO will take care of them and feel comfort in that physical care. In this way our students learn that the world is not random and punitive. Conversely, the world is generally populated by adults who will not take advantage of them.
Trust of Care - The Sun
There is no minimum length of time that a student is learning Trust of Care. In fact, it is learned and relearned throughout the course of treatment. Still, the bulk of the development of Trust of Care occurs within the first six months to year of treatment. In creating this Trust of Care, CALO starts with an orientation to our system. Within 24-hours of enrollment students are taught expectations/agreements, student’s rights, and many program boundaries. Students are also taught about how we manage outside communications, how to get medical needs met, and what the daily schedule looks like.
The therapist is focused on having the student become vulnerable and humble enough to accept the care and love of adults and subsequently see the value of trusting caregivers.
In summary, Trust of Care seeks to:
- Create the beginnings of trust in students
- Help the students have humility and vulnerability during their treatment by creating a safe physical dependence on CALO staff
- Meet the physical needs of each student with the belief that fairness is getting what you need, not what you earn
Once students truly believes that parents and adults at CALO will take care of their physical needs (Trust of Care) the student can more effectively respond and trust in the emotional regulating ability of those close to them—parents, staff, and peers. This adult and peer emotional regulating of a student is called “Trust of Control.” Students who are successfully humble and vulnerable enough to accept Trust of Control allow the adults and peers in their life to teach them life lessons. When students accept Trust of Control it provides opportunity for adults and peers to identify emotional dysregulation, coaching, guidance, and physical and emotional closeness.
Trust of Control - The Earth
During Trust of Control, among other things, the student therapeutically addresses trauma, attachment issues (if applicable), negative working model (negative belief system and self-image), negative relationship patterns, peer struggles, and parent and sibling issues. The student will be taught and will begin to practice trust, empathy, teamwork and cooperation. Developing a conscience is also a focus of treatment. Students will learn qualities essential for successful living in a family and community such as pro-social coping skills (communication, anger-management, problem-solving), respect, responsibility, resourcefulness and reciprocity. Ideally, the student is realizing that life can be better, and they are desiring that better, more connected life. Forgiving the past will be one of the steps necessary during Trust of Control.
Parents need to address historical and current issues that are unresolved and which prevent effective functioning; including family-of-origin (prior loss, trauma, attachment difficulties) and marital/relationship problems. In addition, parents will learn the specific concepts, skills and attitudes that are effective with an emotionally dysregulated, attachment disordered or traumatized student. Trust of Control involves heavy and intense family work (therapy). Below are some interventions and concepts that are hallmarks of our work during Trust of Control.
- P.L.A.C.E. (Playful, Loving, Accepting, Curious, and Empathetic)
- Connection-Break-Repair (cycle of a healthy relationship)
- Vulnerability
- Rhythm Control
- Transferable Attachment (using canines)
- Cycles/Patterns
- Closeness vs. consequence
- Time-in vs. Time-out
- Emotional “holding” (figurative not literal holding)
- Acceptance during exploration
- Healing from past
- Core beliefs
- Give students permission to feel without violence
- Shame (person) vs. Guilt (behavior)
- Modeling
- Accept students on their level (emotional, mental, spiritual, etc.)
- Safe touch
When a student moves towards independently practicing and implementing what was modeled and taught during Trust of Care and Trust of Control the student is self-regulating or employing “Trust of Self.” In addition, when a student is borrowing the regulating ability of safe adults and peers in his/her life and is integrating this skill and training spontaneously, the student is exercising Trust of Self.
Trust of Self - The Water
In Trust of Self the student moves from doing the right thing because s/he is “supposed to” or because it has worked a few times in the past, to an inner change and commitment
to live life differently. In this stage parents are enhancing secure attachment; including trust, affection, intimacy, communication and reciprocity. The student is reducing anger and negative patterns of relating. Family members, especially parents, are encouraging and praising the student’s positive efforts to self-regulate and are celebrating successes. When a student is exercising Trust of Self s/he is learning and utilizing the following tools and interventions:
- Self-regulation
- Autonomy without power/control struggles
- Asking & seeking for closeness
- Self-reflection
- Practicing a healthier working model
- Preparing for home life
- Less sabotage
The ultimate goal for a student at CALO is to learn to live life with interdependence or the ability to maintain healthy, reciprocal relationships. Interdependence defines a successful student transition from a false and selfish independence, to experiencing the value and joy of interdependence (having the skill set to be independent but the love of self and others to seek mutual relationships). Clearly, interdependence is neither independence nor dependence but is connected living. It is a student understanding that his/her actions affect others. Instead of just taking, the student is now also giving.
Interdependence - The Tree
As the student develops interdependence, s/he has increased contact and interaction with family and those in his/her future support system. S/he is utilizing new skills and tools and openly exploring areas that need more work. The family continues to move to a climate of hope, joy and positivity. Parents seek to guide the relationship with love, trust, and respect--not force or control. Children internalize parental love, structuring, and nurturing, resulting in an increased ability to tolerate the sometimes intense interactions without becoming dysregulated or dissociative. The student and parents achieve an increased level of trust and positive self-worth is deepening. Under the direction of the therapist, an aftercare plan is created and the student and family are preparing for graduation. An interdependent student understands and utilizes the following concepts and tools:
- Empathy
- Integrated, healthy working model
- Reciprocity
- Desire to repair breaks in relationships
- Realizes that treatment never ends: “Manage” vs. “Cure”
- Systemic thought
