My biological mother just called me. She wanted to know if I had struggled with reactive attachment disorder. I explained that I had some attachment issues that created distress for me in my younger life but that by my mid-twenties I felt I had worked through that. She listened to me intently.
I could feel her brow furrow as she concentrated on my words over the phone. I finished my explanation and there was a long pause. From a deeply pained place in her heart, my mom said slowly and deliberately, "I want to ask you to forgive me, to forgive me for giving you up." And she began to cry softly.
I told her that I feel nothing but the most profound gratitude for her and her decision. I have been given an amazing life, an opportunity for normalcy that I would not have had given the situation she was in. While the separation she and I had led to some confusion that I had to work out as an adult, I was so much better for the separation. And now I get to have a beautiful relationship with my biological mother without decades of destruction as part of the history. "I am blessed," I said, "and while I feel nothing needs to be forgiven, I forgive you completely." I felt fear and isolation lift from this wonderful woman and connection replaced her fear. She said she wants to come see me and my family. We made plans for her to come out in the next two months. I hope her next visit allows her heart to heal some more. That would make me very, very happy.